Having a lot of emotions today…hate those days right?
I analyze to the point of exhaustion. I don’t know why I do it. It might be the perfectionist in me. When I can’t control a situation, this is how I deal with it. I usually automatically assume the worst. I get hurt that way too. But sometimes my analyzing makes it so that I don’t get hurt worse later.
Right now I sort of feel like every little last piece is being taken away from me. I don’t want to lose the whole thing. I’m not ready for that yet. Yes, I am probably over analyzing, but I make no apologies for how I try and get over something, or how I keep it from hurting me more. I go into defense mode. Maybe I shouldn’t do that. Maybe it’s one of those things I need to work on during this time as a way of calming down, growing up, and working things out.
Without going into the details, it’s just an example of how something very small can come across so different to two different people. One sees it as flat out just a simple question, while the other takes it as insight into their “relationship”. It’s hard for me though because I feel like I’m sitting here putting effort into figuring things out, not being in contact, and working on certain stuff so that things can possibly happen again in the future. But when the other party doesn’t seem to be doing anything to progress or they seem to have already just made up their mind so fast and aren’t putting in the same effort…how is that fair? I guess maybe that’s why I didn’t just see it as a simple question…I had to analyze it, leaving me at the point I am right now. Writing a blog to get all of this off my chest. Never thought that would be me…Anyway, I guess all I’m asking is for that same effort. I just think that if you’re deciding something that important in your life there should be an equal effort on both parts. Most people will tell you to just let go of it at that point, but I’m not ready to let go of it yet…especially when you are getting mixed signals.
As my little picture above says, “The people who want to stay in your life will always find a way”…I know who I want in my life. I guess I get to see if it’s reciprocated. Then maybe I’ll know if I’m ready or able to let go.
I just am not feeling my best about the whole situation today. Some days I’m fine. Some days I’m content and I feel like I’m keeping myself distracted. Today was just a little setback. AND…my flowers are dead 🙁 Just another reminder.
This too shall pass…right?